This year!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS and other holiday stuff!

As we wrap up 2013 and start the New Year, I thought a blog post was in order. Why? Because of New Years resolutions and all that jazz of course (this is a lifestyle blog right?). Now before you roll your eyes and say “I don’t believe in New Years resolutions Robyn, I live the dream”, well good for you, but do you really not believe with all of your being? No, well FINE then…

I only say this because I AM a believer! Not all of my resolutions stick, but at least one usually does to some degree. We are not perfect and are not going to stick to our “I’m never going to eat chocolate EVER again” or “I’m going to learn Chinese” promises that we jubilantly make to ourselves, but in my opinion that’s not the point. The point of resolving to achieve a goal is to simply work towards one in the quest of self-improvement.

This isn’t implying that your aren’t already a talented, funny, beautiful, wonderful (etc.) individual already (I know you are), but it’s to promise yourself you are going to try new things that you want to do! Now, figuring out if it’s really what you want or what you think you want is another issue. For insight on that click here.

Ok enough rambling. What this blog post is about is a method to help you if one of your goals is to improve or increase the amount of physical fitness you have. Big shocker there I know!

I have many blog posts on motivation, but in my opinion and through experience one the most powerful motivators to enhance the amount of physical activity you get is to seek out and achieve a sense of social connection/social support/sense of community!!! There is some research to back this up but at the moment strong evidence is lacking. For more see Bauman, 2012 for a review, which is cited at the end of this post (I put that there for all the physiotherapy students and researchers who are grading my level of evidence........Look what you've become).

Now, seeking a sense of community through physical fitness will not work for everyone. We are not a one size fits all species with all of our wonderful cognitions and “free thoughts”. However, for many seeking out activities that increase connection with others and feelings of belonging can keep them engaged and motivated when times get tough.

You know, when week 4 hits after January 1st and you are ready to give up or when you get the flu in March and never go back to the gym?… Those tough times.

So how do you know this will work for you? Well, there’s no easy way to say this, and hopefully you don’t close my blog as soon as you read this, but you have to simply try it. This means you have to put yourself out there!

Before you say “NO, I hate fitness people. They judge me and I’m not one of them”, hear me out. The truth is a lot of people in the fitness industry have their own success stories (i.e., they weren’t BORN gym rats) and actually quite a few lived unhealthy lifestyles, have been bullied, and were scared of the gym (aka me). Sure there are some not so nice characters, but they are lame anyway.

So how do you achieve this elusive sense of belongingness? Read on.

Tip 1: Figure out what activity you are most likely to enjoy.

I say to my classes ALL THE TIME that I hate working out. I’m not lying, I really do during the activity itself (except for restorative yoga and climbing). It’s the feeling  after I finish working out and the numerous benefits to my life and body that are the result of working out that I like.

So, there is a possibility that the idea of any physical activity is the most unappealing thing that you can think of. If that’s the case, try and think of an activity that would be the most tolerable for you to start.

This doesn’t have to be at a traditional gym by the way. Actually, there are plenty of "non traditional"  modes of physical activity that force involvement with other people and can also lead to a sense of community.

Some examples are…

1.     Rock Climbing (biased)

2.     Any martial art

3.     Recreational sport leagues (a lot of these have teams you can sign up for if you are a beginner or/AND are by yourself)

4.     Roller derby

5.     Zumba

6.     Bootcamp classes

7.     Spinning classes

8.     Running/walking clubs

And those are just off the top of my head.

Tip 2: Bug your friends/acquaintances

Another great way to get involved in an activity in a low pressure yet social way is to ask one of your friends OR acquaintances (new friend in the making) who does *insert activity of interest here* if you can join them the next time they go.

I LOVE IT when people want to workout or climb with me, and I can be pretty antisocial. So if you have that friend who does an activity you are super interested (or even just kind of interested) they will likely be more than happy, if not ecstatic, that you want to try what they do with them. It makes people feel super special and stuff.

I find one issue people have with this method is the negative self talk that surrounds asking someone that you perceive as in “better shape than you” to work out. It usually goes something like this….

“I’d love to try snowboarding/zumba/yoga/etc, but *person* is soooooooooooooo good at it, I don’t want them to think I’m out of shape/suck/am a loser/etc.”

If you actually read that it seems kind of silly, but that self-talk is powerful (for more of self talk click here and here). A lot of the time our ego will get in the way of taking chances and trying new things. Yea, you probably WILL suck when you try something you have never done before, and you know what, people (cool people at least) will not judge you for being a beginner. You’re not friends with those judgmental types anyhoo right?

Tip 3: Take the steps to try out a new activity in the most social way possible

If you aren’t one for taking the “lets go do things friend” method, or none of your friends do anything fun, try and involve yourself in your new activity of choice (see tip 1) in the most social way possible.

This may seem like a hard thing to do, especially if you are on the shy side. Fitness classes are great to give you a weekly schedule and put you in a situation with a bunch of people trying to achieve the same thing as you.

If you feel that you cannot afford a gym membership, you don’t have to get one.  Actually, most cities actually offer free fitness classes. I know right? A lot of people don’t know this, but if you go to the “parks and recreation” or “health and wellness” sections of most township webpages you’ll find a whole bunch of free fitness classes offered at a variety of times.

If you do have some money to spend, but don’t want to commit to a gym membership, there are also a variety of organizations that allow you to do punch passes and month try outs with no contract.

The way to find out which organizations offer these services is to call around and ask! Most people at alternative sport and fitness centers are super duper awesome and friendly.

So you are set to go to your thing that you have chosen. Now, something to keep in mind is when you go to said activity, even if it is IN a social setting (e.g., fitness class), it is really easy to not be social at all when going.

To avoid this trap I would suggest doing some of the following…

1.     DO go early or stay late: If you go to a fitness class 15 minutes before it starts there is a very good chance you will find yourself standing next to someone who is also about to do the same class. This is a prime opportunity to meet some of the regulars/new people in the class to form friendships to increase your motivation to go. Also, take your sweet ass time leaving. Usually the more social people hang around after the classes and talk to each other and the instructors.

2.     DON’T avoid eye contact: If you’re super shy, even just acknowledging people by looking at them and saying a quick “hello” may open the doors for conversation. If you avoid contact with people at all costs it makes it hard to make friendships to keep you motivated.

3.     DO take the opportunity to do meet and greets: A lot of facilities will have special nights dedicated to “women only” or “beginners”, especially if you are doing less conventional things like martial arts or climbing. Take these opportunities to meet people. It may be a little anxiety provoking at first, but the people running these events are usually experts at making sure people have fun.

4.     DON’T listen to your negative self talk: If you are a little on the antisocial side, and often have the self talk that no one would want to hang out with you, you’re out of shape, and all that fun stuff, learn to change that way of thinking. Often we are our own worst enemies when it comes to behaviour change, especially involving social situations. The first step is to recognize when you are saying these things to yourself. As previously mentioned I have several posts on self talk. The links are above, but if you don't want to scroll up just click here or here

My final tip is for those already active!

A lot of my blog readers are already active. So this tip is to specifically address you…yes YOU. If you’ve made it this far you have a little insight on what may be going through someone’s head when trying to lead a more active lifestyle. Unless you’ve been an athlete from a very young age you have probably been in the "I want to start to be active but am scared of everyone and everything" situation before (I know I have).

So, this year try to acknowledge those people in your life that you are hearing the “I want to lose weight this year” and “I want to be active this year” "BUT".....messages from.  I bet you can guess what I’m going to say next…

Invite them to do your kick-ass physical activity of choice. They may roll their eyes, they may give you the “well I suck and you don’t” self-talk, or simply say no. However, if you can get one person to say yes, you are being a super awesome leader in your own world. Not to mention a pretty wicked friend. Remind them that you are a non-judgmental super fun person that was a beginner once as well.

So go out and be your awesome self, and resolve to try new things this year. I bet you’ll like it!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

Stay Strong

~Byn

Review on the determinants of physical activity:

Bauman AE et al. (2012). Correlates of physical activity: Why are some people physically activate and others not?" The Lancet. 380 (9839): 258-271

Taking Ownership and Living for Yourself

Good Afternoon Interweb friends.

Today’s post is going to be on the more philosophical side. What I am going to talk about in this post, in my opinion, is the #1 most important thing to overcome when it comes to behaviour change: Taking ownership for yourself and only yourself, while defining what’s important to you, and in doing so, living and achieving your goals successfully!

So why do you want to look or act a certain way? Well, it’s not a secret by now that we all have a bagillion messages being jammed down our throats telling us what we should do, how we ought to act, and what our values should be….essentially how we should live. These messages come not only from society/mass media/the government, but more importantly (and usually more influentially) from our families and friends. It can be confusing and frustrating to say the least.

In the world of health and “fitness”, we humans put a lot of pressure on how we should live. This is portrayed over and over again in fitness and health marketing (and marketing in general), and we soak it like up like sponges and regurgitate it to anyone in spraying distance (including ourselves). Fitness professionals are often the biggest perpetrators of this crime against awesomeness. 

For women, we need to be lean, have the right amount of muscle, and maybe be vegetarian/vegan, animal loving, yoga zen goddesses. Further, we need to be strong, even minded, emotionally and financially stable, beautiful, well dressed elegant flowers, who can handle anything life throws at them with stride.

For men, the situation isn’t much better. Men are told they must be strong, providing, muscular, smooth, funny, gentleman, with hair in all the right places, the right car, and have the right friends and pass time activities.

What do all these messages do to us? How do they affect the way we live and feel about ourselves? Well, first, they tell us that the unless we meet the afore mentioned states, we will NEVER be happy….  and that message can be quite powerful. 

As a “health advocate” (that’s what I’m calling myself these days) I have seen and been asked many many times how people can achieve these idealized qualities in themselves. I’ve also spent the majority of my life seeking out how to become the “ideal woman”. Sure, the specifics change between people to people, but they usually follow the general socialized patterns I talked about above.

And you know what, as I get older, how unachievable and transparent these ideal images are is becoming exceedingly apparent to me and, even more worrisome, how many of us continue to be a slave to them (Hell I’ve been a slave to them almost my entire life). 

So this post is for those who can relate to my ranting. For you, I’m going to give some tips that have helped me overcome the “you should be” and focus on “I want to be” over the years. If you don’t think this is of importance to you, but have come to my blog seeking fitness and health tips… oh boy are they ever important to you. Read on.

Define what you want. Period: 

So many people live their lives trying to please others. I’m not saying it’s a good idea to go out and deliberately do the opposite to what someone wants (for more on that click here), but rather, if you have a health/fitness goal (or any goal in general), is it really your goal, or is it someone else’s?'

Why this is of utmost importance is because if you are trying to change your life for someone else’s sake, you will fail and/or be miserable doing it. If you don’t –really- want to eat vegetables, do yoga, run, drink water…etc, then don’t do it. I’m not saying living a healthy lifestyle isn’t important (I believe it’s one of the most important things in life personally), what I’m saying is, if it isn’t important to you then why would you force yourself to do it? 

This premise is also important for goals within fitness itself. If you want a six pack, but like to go out and have beer with friends on a regular basis, you have to decide which one is more important to you? If it’s friends and beer every weekend, only –you- can decide that for yourself and you have to accept that you probably won’t have a six pack. Alternatively, if it's a six pack you and only you can make that happen. This pertains to taking ownership, which will be discussed below.

The point of this…..point…. is that we’re only here for a short time, so why live your life by someone else’s rules and opinions? Sure, you’re always going to get haters who disagree with your lifestyle and choices (some may even be close friends and family!). However, even if you were “perfect” you’d still have haters grumbling about how “perfect” you are. But you know what, there’s a million people out there that think like you, and when it comes down to it, you have to live with yourself, not those other people, so it’s best to accept who you are and why you do what you do (when it comes to spouses it obviously gets more complicated!).

My philosophy is, as long as you’re not hurting yourself, people, or animals just for the sake of it, who cares? (Ironically, if you live your life based on what I’m saying are you living for you or for me?!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!)

Take Ownership

This is also very very important when it comes to not only health and fitness goals, but life in general. Every choice we make in life is going to have both positive and negative outcomes; it’s just the way life works. However, when we don’t take ownership for those negative outcomes and blame external circumstances we are treading water psychologically (I call this the “poor me” phenomena).

I’ll use a common example that a lot of fitness professionals deal with on a regular basis. Chico* (made up name) comes to see you and wants to get shredded like you. He’s finally willing to do it this time, but currently smokes two packs a day, works night shift, and eats fast food. 

When you tell Chico what it takes to achieve his goals (i.e., working out, eating right, basically how you live your life), he’s all for it and ready to go. Except when push comes to shove he doesn’t think he can eat vegetables, he hates them, and he can’t give up his pop because he believes he needs it to function.

Chico continues to do behaviours that are counterintuitive to his lifestyle change goals (I’m not saying he’s a bad person for doing these behaviours, they just won’t help him get “shredded”), and thus gets frustrated. He blames the fact he works too much so cannot follow your program, and he just hates vegetables…so he ultimately gives up, and complains to his girlfriend he’s “destined” (I here this a lot) to be a fat slob.

Chico is not taking ownership for his life. If looking and living a certain way was really important to him over everything else, he would do whatever it takes to achieve those goals (maybe even quit his job and become a personal trainer). Instead, he blames his job, his tastes, and habits he just “can’t” give up. 

For a lack of a better word… that thinking is bullshit. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, or how much money you have, if you want something, and find the right way to do it (that’s where a lot of people mess up) then you cannot fail. 

How do I know this? Because I have done it myself. I’m not to saying “hey look at me I’m awesome” (even though I am, ha), but as soon as I stopped blaming everyone else and my past “circumstances” for why I was acting and thinking the way I was, and acknowledged that every action I make equals the consequences of my life, I started achieving my goals (with some bumps along the way).

Embrace Failure

To achieve your goals you need to not only accept, but embrace failure. This is because you will have a lot of set-backs if you are living the life you want to live. Now, these set backs can be big (e.g., not getting into the school you wanted to) or smaller (e.g., your dad doesn’t think it’s a good idea). However, the gravity of the set-back is not important, it is how you deal with them that will lead to your ultimate success. 

Now, overcoming failure is easier said than done, my husband can attest to my lack of grace in this domain.  Some people deal with failure with the perspective of “everything happens for a reason”, this has helped me in certain contexts, but what do you do when you fail, you tried your best, and it is directly in line with your goals that you know you want for you, and you are taking ownership for your life?

You embrace them. The only advice I can give here from my own experience is to give yourself a couple of days to be pissed off/disappointed/sad (however you feel after failing) then move on, and most importantly forward.  In moving on, taking a very close look of why you failed is very important.

This is the hardest part because it involves taking complete owenership for your actions and basically putting your ego aside (and I have a fucking huge ego). Was there something, anything, you could of done to prevent the undesired outcome. If so, learn from it and move on (in 99% of circumstances there is something you could have done differently). 

However, in doing this exercise it’s important not to beat yourself up over your short comings. This will usually emerge as negative self talk such as “I’m so lazy, if I only did this” or “I’m such a stupid loser, I can’t believe I didn’t do that”. No, you are not… you are trying to live your life for you… and you know what, you’ll make mistakes and things won’t work out, and that’s ok.

I think I’ll leave it there. Hopefully this helps someone. 

As always please leave comments, ask questions, or e-mail me if you’d like to talk about this stuff privately at byntraining@gmail.com.

Also, if you think this post could help someone else... pass on the love!

Stay strong my friends!

~Byn