Taking Ownership and Living for Yourself

Good Afternoon Interweb friends.

Today’s post is going to be on the more philosophical side. What I am going to talk about in this post, in my opinion, is the #1 most important thing to overcome when it comes to behaviour change: Taking ownership for yourself and only yourself, while defining what’s important to you, and in doing so, living and achieving your goals successfully!

So why do you want to look or act a certain way? Well, it’s not a secret by now that we all have a bagillion messages being jammed down our throats telling us what we should do, how we ought to act, and what our values should be….essentially how we should live. These messages come not only from society/mass media/the government, but more importantly (and usually more influentially) from our families and friends. It can be confusing and frustrating to say the least.

In the world of health and “fitness”, we humans put a lot of pressure on how we should live. This is portrayed over and over again in fitness and health marketing (and marketing in general), and we soak it like up like sponges and regurgitate it to anyone in spraying distance (including ourselves). Fitness professionals are often the biggest perpetrators of this crime against awesomeness. 

For women, we need to be lean, have the right amount of muscle, and maybe be vegetarian/vegan, animal loving, yoga zen goddesses. Further, we need to be strong, even minded, emotionally and financially stable, beautiful, well dressed elegant flowers, who can handle anything life throws at them with stride.

For men, the situation isn’t much better. Men are told they must be strong, providing, muscular, smooth, funny, gentleman, with hair in all the right places, the right car, and have the right friends and pass time activities.

What do all these messages do to us? How do they affect the way we live and feel about ourselves? Well, first, they tell us that the unless we meet the afore mentioned states, we will NEVER be happy….  and that message can be quite powerful. 

As a “health advocate” (that’s what I’m calling myself these days) I have seen and been asked many many times how people can achieve these idealized qualities in themselves. I’ve also spent the majority of my life seeking out how to become the “ideal woman”. Sure, the specifics change between people to people, but they usually follow the general socialized patterns I talked about above.

And you know what, as I get older, how unachievable and transparent these ideal images are is becoming exceedingly apparent to me and, even more worrisome, how many of us continue to be a slave to them (Hell I’ve been a slave to them almost my entire life). 

So this post is for those who can relate to my ranting. For you, I’m going to give some tips that have helped me overcome the “you should be” and focus on “I want to be” over the years. If you don’t think this is of importance to you, but have come to my blog seeking fitness and health tips… oh boy are they ever important to you. Read on.

Define what you want. Period: 

So many people live their lives trying to please others. I’m not saying it’s a good idea to go out and deliberately do the opposite to what someone wants (for more on that click here), but rather, if you have a health/fitness goal (or any goal in general), is it really your goal, or is it someone else’s?'

Why this is of utmost importance is because if you are trying to change your life for someone else’s sake, you will fail and/or be miserable doing it. If you don’t –really- want to eat vegetables, do yoga, run, drink water…etc, then don’t do it. I’m not saying living a healthy lifestyle isn’t important (I believe it’s one of the most important things in life personally), what I’m saying is, if it isn’t important to you then why would you force yourself to do it? 

This premise is also important for goals within fitness itself. If you want a six pack, but like to go out and have beer with friends on a regular basis, you have to decide which one is more important to you? If it’s friends and beer every weekend, only –you- can decide that for yourself and you have to accept that you probably won’t have a six pack. Alternatively, if it's a six pack you and only you can make that happen. This pertains to taking ownership, which will be discussed below.

The point of this…..point…. is that we’re only here for a short time, so why live your life by someone else’s rules and opinions? Sure, you’re always going to get haters who disagree with your lifestyle and choices (some may even be close friends and family!). However, even if you were “perfect” you’d still have haters grumbling about how “perfect” you are. But you know what, there’s a million people out there that think like you, and when it comes down to it, you have to live with yourself, not those other people, so it’s best to accept who you are and why you do what you do (when it comes to spouses it obviously gets more complicated!).

My philosophy is, as long as you’re not hurting yourself, people, or animals just for the sake of it, who cares? (Ironically, if you live your life based on what I’m saying are you living for you or for me?!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!)

Take Ownership

This is also very very important when it comes to not only health and fitness goals, but life in general. Every choice we make in life is going to have both positive and negative outcomes; it’s just the way life works. However, when we don’t take ownership for those negative outcomes and blame external circumstances we are treading water psychologically (I call this the “poor me” phenomena).

I’ll use a common example that a lot of fitness professionals deal with on a regular basis. Chico* (made up name) comes to see you and wants to get shredded like you. He’s finally willing to do it this time, but currently smokes two packs a day, works night shift, and eats fast food. 

When you tell Chico what it takes to achieve his goals (i.e., working out, eating right, basically how you live your life), he’s all for it and ready to go. Except when push comes to shove he doesn’t think he can eat vegetables, he hates them, and he can’t give up his pop because he believes he needs it to function.

Chico continues to do behaviours that are counterintuitive to his lifestyle change goals (I’m not saying he’s a bad person for doing these behaviours, they just won’t help him get “shredded”), and thus gets frustrated. He blames the fact he works too much so cannot follow your program, and he just hates vegetables…so he ultimately gives up, and complains to his girlfriend he’s “destined” (I here this a lot) to be a fat slob.

Chico is not taking ownership for his life. If looking and living a certain way was really important to him over everything else, he would do whatever it takes to achieve those goals (maybe even quit his job and become a personal trainer). Instead, he blames his job, his tastes, and habits he just “can’t” give up. 

For a lack of a better word… that thinking is bullshit. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, or how much money you have, if you want something, and find the right way to do it (that’s where a lot of people mess up) then you cannot fail. 

How do I know this? Because I have done it myself. I’m not to saying “hey look at me I’m awesome” (even though I am, ha), but as soon as I stopped blaming everyone else and my past “circumstances” for why I was acting and thinking the way I was, and acknowledged that every action I make equals the consequences of my life, I started achieving my goals (with some bumps along the way).

Embrace Failure

To achieve your goals you need to not only accept, but embrace failure. This is because you will have a lot of set-backs if you are living the life you want to live. Now, these set backs can be big (e.g., not getting into the school you wanted to) or smaller (e.g., your dad doesn’t think it’s a good idea). However, the gravity of the set-back is not important, it is how you deal with them that will lead to your ultimate success. 

Now, overcoming failure is easier said than done, my husband can attest to my lack of grace in this domain.  Some people deal with failure with the perspective of “everything happens for a reason”, this has helped me in certain contexts, but what do you do when you fail, you tried your best, and it is directly in line with your goals that you know you want for you, and you are taking ownership for your life?

You embrace them. The only advice I can give here from my own experience is to give yourself a couple of days to be pissed off/disappointed/sad (however you feel after failing) then move on, and most importantly forward.  In moving on, taking a very close look of why you failed is very important.

This is the hardest part because it involves taking complete owenership for your actions and basically putting your ego aside (and I have a fucking huge ego). Was there something, anything, you could of done to prevent the undesired outcome. If so, learn from it and move on (in 99% of circumstances there is something you could have done differently). 

However, in doing this exercise it’s important not to beat yourself up over your short comings. This will usually emerge as negative self talk such as “I’m so lazy, if I only did this” or “I’m such a stupid loser, I can’t believe I didn’t do that”. No, you are not… you are trying to live your life for you… and you know what, you’ll make mistakes and things won’t work out, and that’s ok.

I think I’ll leave it there. Hopefully this helps someone. 

As always please leave comments, ask questions, or e-mail me if you’d like to talk about this stuff privately at byntraining@gmail.com.

Also, if you think this post could help someone else... pass on the love!

Stay strong my friends!

~Byn

Lessons from Logotherapy: You have a Choice!

Good Morning Internets! 

Today I’m going to talk about the lessons I have learned from reading about “logotherapy”. What is logotherapy? Well it’s a stream of psychology developed by Viktor Frankl that is based on the premise of Existential Analysis and the will to meaning as a motive for human behaviour.

Basically, logotherapist will define the search for meaning in one’s life as the singular, most powerful, motivating force that we can possess. Some other traditional psychologists will argue that other “wills” are more influential, such as the will to power (i.e., Alder) or the will to pleasure (i.e., Freud).  

Why the hell am I talking about all this stuff? Well, I’m half way through Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” (which I highly recommend) and I think his philosophy on life and psychology fits VERY well when it comes to health behavior change psychology (i.e., what this blog is based on).

For the purpose of this post, and my general(evolving) view point in life, the will to meaning leads to the best “mental hygiene” (according to Frankl), and thus the impetus needed for meaningful changes to one’s life (i.e., health behaviour). 

So what are some lessons I have learned so far from logotherapy and how it pertains to maintaining a healthy lifestyle? Well I am going to cover two today, so read on if I haven’t totally lost you already!

1. Life has meaning in all circumstances, even the most miserable ones: 

Frankl will often refer to his experiences during the Holocaust when talking about this premise. Although adopting a healthy lifestyle can NEVER be compared to the suffering endured by Holocast survivors, I think this point offers some insight into changing you behaviour in this regard.

This may make sense, or may just be an example of how my biases will take anything and make it into something, but from my experience, the primary reason(s) I hear that people can’t/won’t be physically active that want to be are a) I don’t have enough time or b) I don’t have enough money.

If we take the premise “life has meaning in all circumstances” as truth, these two minor barriers would not prevent you from being physically active. Alternatively, at the moment being physically active just does not mean enough to you to overcome these perceived barriers. 

I know this may seem blunt and hard to digest, but regardless of your circumstances, if you derive meaning in your life from being active and healthy you will do anything to achieve that goal. 

Now, if despite your best intentions you are currently struggling to start and maintain positive health changes in your life, I’d like you to ask yourself, “do I derive meaning and a feeling of accomplishment from doing these behaviours?” If not, you’re probably not going to start or continue doing said behaviours. The problem is (obviously still in my opinion), health is the single most important thing we have in this world. By being healthy we can love and help others and lead a fulfilling life full of happiness, sorrows, and experiences.

So how do you make these beahviours a priority to you? Well no one can tell you the answer, you just have to “do it”. I know that sounds simplistic, but a mere change in perspective and your own psychology can be a very impactful tool to change behaviour. However, from experience, this is very hard to do and takes a lot of patients and acceptance of failure. 

If you believe this may be a route of why you haven’t been able to start and maintain a regularly active schedule and eat healthy food I would recommend devoting one-two day(s) of the week to health. You have to think of these days as a necessity for you to have meaning in your life (i.e., these days are of importance to your well being as a person). If you achieve successfully completing your health day(s) on a regular basis (i.e., 2-3 weeks), re-assess then “up-the-ante” if you deem it necessary.  

2. We have the freedom to find meaning in what we do, what we experience, or at least in the stand we take when we are faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering.

Again, this postulation was advanced by Frankl as a result of his Holocaust experience, but it can be very applicable to our more “mundane” and “comfortable” existence that most of us are lucky enough to experience.  

You, yes YOU, have 100% control of a) your thoughts, or at least how you interpret them, b) your choices and beliefs, and thus c) your behaviours and experiences. If physical activity ISN’T important to you, despite what everyone is saying, don’t do it. You have that choice. 

Again, I am bias as I derive a LOT of meaning in my life from physically active pursuits, but we must acknowledge that with every choice there is a consequence, and the only person responsible for that is you. So, you decide you do not want to be physically active or eat healthy, then you have to accept yourself as a physically inactive person. If you get heart disease, become over-weight, or develop insulin resistance you have to acknowledge that you are the only person responsible for these ailments, and you have a choice to change it. 

Frankl says (which I love), your actions on one day do NOT or should not influence your actions on the next day, as every day presents different challenges. Just because you have neglected your body and want to make a change doesn’t mean you’re a less a person for letting yourself slip into poor health (despite what North American culture will tell you), it just wasn’t a priority for you in the past, and thus, poor health was the consequence. Now we can get into the politics of the “burden on the health care system due to inactivity” but that isn’t the point of this post, the point is that YOU HAVE A CHOICE no matter what you have done in the past. 

So you’ve been overweight your entire life, your parents taught you to eat like crap, you've never stepped foot in a gym, and you’re depressed. Well you have a choice as a free person to change everything despite your past circumstances…

If you’re unsure how to make that transition from past to present, I can tell you the first step is to acknowledge and own that you have a choice and complete control over every action you make and everything you say, and thus must take responsibility for the results. I know this because I have been on top of the world, and at the bottom of it, and the only difference between the two “lives” I have lived is how I handled my circumstances in terms of my choices psychologically and behaviourally.

If you’re still unsure what I am rambling about, watch the video below. It’s not directly pertinent to physically activity, but outlines the premise of freedom of choice and finding meaning in life.

So I’ll leave it there for now. As always, if you have questions, concerns, or comments leave them below or if you’d like you can e-mail me at byntraining@gmail.com

Stay Strong!

~Byn

Why being physically active is one of the best things you do……period.

Word-up people of the Webverse

 

I’m writing a post due to recent requests/pestering from my readers, the fact I haven't written anything (in this blog) in Jan 3rd, and (more likely) because I’m having a major writing block trying to finish my thesis (I literally have like 2 pages to go). 

This post is about why physical activity is the best thing EVER and is for pure entertainment and/or practical life information. I’ll let you decide.

 1. It’s the closest way to feel like, and actually become, a real life superhero. Specifically, when working out a regular basis you are likely to start to refer to yourself in your superhero alter ego (i.e., Byn), where colourful costumes, recruit sidekicks, and talk like a superhero (“Let’s do this!”). Sure, taking LSD will give you probably a “higher” feeling of super-hero-dum, but I hear isn’t the best thing to do to your brain, and you’re more likely to –actually- try to fly, which I also hear isn’t a good idea.

2. You meet sexy ass, awesome superheros as well. Physically active people are pretty cool (and not too bad to look at either). Don’t get me wrong, we complain about how much our legs/biceps (Scott)/lats/glutes/forearms/fingers hurt all the time, and there are a fair share of physically active “douchebags”, but generally active people are fun and like to do fun things…. Maybe with you! Wink.

… Wait did I just call myself hot? Damn right!

3. It gives you an excuse to touch/fondle/molest your friends in public and in a socially acceptable manner. “Oh, your pecs are sore? Come here. Let me message that for you”.  I’m actually pretty sure that’s how 99% of fitness relationships start… I’m talking to you Josh and Robin.  

4. It gives you something to talk about. “That crazy spin instructor destroyed my quads last night…Guess what, I’m the instructor!” *creepy smile*, “I just benched my own body weight”, and “I like rock climb pretty much any time I can”, are great conversation starters, despite what the people on the bus say.

5. Self inflicted pain helps you deal with unexpected pain. Just bashed your knee against the toilet after you dropped your cellphone in it, fell off the lawn chair trying to reach your beer that was obviously out of reach to everyone else watching you, or somehow wedged yourself in a log and had to be pulled out by your legs? That’s nothing compared to the 70 lunges/burpies/boulder problems you did yesterday.

6. It helps you be fucking awesome(er) as you age. Everyone loves a muscular old person - they’re cute AND terrifying at the same time! Imagine your grandkids being all like “yea, well my grandma is stronger than your dad”….. “thanks grandkids.. I AM a pretty bad ass old person!” (here’s some money)…Yea that’s what I thought, you want that in your life. I also hear riding motorcycles can give you the same “bad ass” appeal, but let’s be serious- I’m a pretty terrible driver at 26.

7. You can be a screaming crazy person. It’s the only socially acceptable situation where you can scream like you (a) are having sex, (b) are really angry, or (c) just discovered that the leafs blew a 4-1 lead in the time it took you to get a sammich and go to the bathroom, (too soon?). Helps ya’ get rid of all that pent up emotion and such. It also helps you deal with the previously mentioned situations… well, except for (a) it helps you deal with a lack of that usually.

8. It gives you an excuse to wear spandex pretty much every day. We all know spandex is comfortable as fuck and makes your butt look faaaannntttassstic,  yes even for you too men. I’m pretty sure Scott’s didn’t think I owned anything but spandex for the first year we were dating, not that he complained.

9. Letting everyone else know how awesome you are. Finally, it gives you feelings of self entitlement to tell everyone about how active you are, how awesome being active is, and why everyone in the entire world should work out.  Not like I ever do that…..

Seriously though, if you need help being active respond to this blog post or e-mail me at byntraining@gmail.com

Yup being active is pretty much the greatest thing ever. Enough of this, I should be writing my thesis.

Stay Strong

~Byn